Necessity is Not Virtue: The Virgins
Geplaatst op 15-02-2023
I got the inspiration for this post from perusing blog comments over at Loveawake dating site. I enjoy reading the blog because Walsh usually produces some great statistics, but sometimes the conclusions drawn from those statistics are mind boggling. In this case, she used some research stating that the number of virgins is on the rise to assert something along the lines of women aren’t partaking in the hookup culture/are better at filtering out cads. Here’s an article showcasing the study.
Above is the photo of the lucky virgin couple. Many of you should immediately understand the point of this post, but I’ll still break it down. According to the article:
The number of virgins between the ages of 15 to 24 has increased in recent years – 27 percent of men and 29 percent of women say they have never had a sexual encounter.
There aren’t many famous men who have advertised their virginity, save for Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, who has been called “the only virgin in the NFL.”
Ahr, who also appears on the TLC show and says he is “not a virgin entirely by choice,”…
Necessity is not virtue. Being a virgin because you decide it’s the right thing to do and maintaining that belief despite plenty of attractive offers to the contrary is a virtue. Being a virgin because no one will have sex with you is necessity. Of the two scenarios above, which do you think is more common: Tebow or Ahr?
While it’s lovely to imagine that more people are being virtuous, the fact of the matter is that individuals like Tebow are few and far between. They receive a lot of press because they’re such novelties. If there were many such individuals, it would no longer be a newsworthy event, yet virginity among the famous continues to be the exception, not the norm.
The rise in the number of virgins must come from somewhere, and like most human behavior, the answer is not clear cut. From my reading and experience, I’m betting the rise in virginity comes down to two factors:
1) The number of untouchables is rising
2) Greater awareness in women of the dangers of premarital sex as a result of the hookup culture going mainstream (personal observation/reading)
*Honorable mention for a rise in church attendance, which may have a slight effect.
Let’s start with the untouchables. These are the people on the left side of the attractiveness bell-curve either through lack of genetic luck or poor personal decisions (probably both). Recent trends have conspired to increase the number of these people. For women, the obesity rate for American adults is ~35%. For men, not only is the obesity rate 1/3, but male unemployment is skyrocketing. Add to that the rise in nerd culture (just one example), and you can see how these trends coincide to make a whole lot more people unsexable.
Then there’s the mainstreaming of hookup culture. This only affects most guys indirectly since alphas are getting all the play, but mainstreaming hookups allows women to see the effects of participating much more clearly. They’ve seen the Icarus trap most moderately attractive women fall into. Many still decide to run the risk and jump on the carousel, but an increasing minority realize that occasional alpha attention is highly unlikely to translate to commitment. They rationally (or emotionally) weigh the facts and decide not to ride. Of course, the more attractive the girl is, the more likely the alpha male is to spend the time required to obtain her sex. Unattractive women (5’s and below) aren’t worth more than a night’s attention (if that) to an alpha, so as long as these women can restrain themselves that long, they will remain virgins. That’s about as far as “virtue” goes these days.
other gems from the article
Being a virgin is famously uncool.
“It’s challenging because of the stigma that’s associated with being a virgin, especially a virgin that’s older than whatever age people think they should be having sex by,” Michaud said.
That quote is from a woman. Like jokes, stereotypes come into being because they have a grain of truth. Being a virgin is admirable when you’re younger, depending on where people put you on the virtue/necessity continuum. By the time you hit late 20’s/early 30’s, people wonder what’s wrong with you. 10+ years is a long time to go without either finding someone to marry or “accidentally” losing your self-control, so the more likely explanation is that you’ve got a problem.
Check out how this guy imagines his first time:
“I’d probably want music playing, and the lights off,” he said. “The music is to cover up the funny noises, and the lights off to cover up the facial expressions.”
Bump up the betatunes, baby! I’m a beta bitch!! Anyone still curious as to why this dude is still a virgin?